We speak about process throughout, because strategy, duration, methodology is as important as legal rules. However Emotion is even more important. It is useless to have a strategy one finds one cannot execute. As the process grinds on, decisions may become too difficult, or too harsh,

The confrontation, the poring over past papers, the time spent in conflict. Turning up time after time in court to face the spouse as hostile opponent, waiting for the next surprise installment, the next unfair decision, the next set of papers to prepare to rebut. The frustration in court not being allowed to speak. Returning from court and dealing with the kids, or any routine.  Writing out the umpteenth monthly check of $3000 to the attorney can be a gut wrenching process, best avoided. Planning strategy to destroy an opponent changes one, and prevents people helping themselves.

Life seems to go on hold, a crushing hold. One has to attempt doggedly to pursue interests, but simultaneously not lead an artificial life.  There’s a balance, but where life itself has become artificial the counterweight should be appropriate yet not permanent. It can be done, but it’s not easy.

Then there is the future. ‘Demarriage’ is enough of a change, involving decoupling, moving house and financial reconfiguration. A huge stress point. One needs to prepare for the change, and it takes considerable strength. Court Litigation takes up valuable time and destroys energy, so that a shell emerges on the other side, unable to take control of anything.

IF in court its important to get good rest,  because mental exhaustion can impede work, or relationships with children, sinking everything you’d hoped to retain. Don’t be embarrassed to discuss temporary sleeping or anxiety issues with a doctor, many are in the same boat.

Tip: Whichever process is selected, Friendships are very important through demarriage, people one can phone late at night when work and chores are done. Nevertheless although it may seem heartless, our advice is not to overdo it – griping over and over the same thing can be exhausting for the listener, and creates a self perpetuating negative cycle difficult to climb out of. One wants to preserve the relationship and ones own sense of forward looking progress, Groups are also useful, in view of shared experiences, but beware those which emphasize a battle of sexes, or prefer litigation – it is unlikely that all men or all women are always at fault,  if fault there be.

If you are a friend of someone going through a tough time, looking for guidance, firstly thank you for caring, and secondly, do please contact us with your perspective.